[TDawg4]

When someone who has this experience is upset that someone is patronizing them, or patronizing someone else, they're not mad at that singular instance, and couldn't be if they tried. They're mad at an entire life of this same shit happening constantly.

i feel like you are one of the only people to actually understand this. thank you

I would also like to say that I have tried addressing my own personal issues that have become public in the past few weeks as they happened and they went unresolved (or, to be blunt, ignored). I'm sure many others have had a similar experience here. You have the right sentiment, yes, but please try to remember this.

I agree that this is exactly what people who are given advice or guidance feel after a situation where they are not at fault. I know personally that I like to fix things and have been guilty of trying to convince someone who just went through something of all the changes they need to make for it to not happen again. 

The other side of this is if this is true in whatever instance "They're mad at an entire life of this same shit happening constantly."  Then I think it might be that person who needs that type of advice the most. Even something simple can push someone to start asserting stronger boundaries or to put themselves into situations where they feel more comfortable standing up for themselves. 

 I could give extreme examples here to try to illustrate my point, but I am going to try to do something a bit more realistic. My older sister is a prosecutor for a major office in the United States, she constantly dealt with defense attorneys walking over her and being overly aggressive in conversations because she is a young woman. Not her fault at all, but she made the change to move where she had these meetings to her office where she had more control. This was an inconvenience for her, but had much better outcomes. 

Whenever she originally complained to me about the issues she was having I made a somewhat off hand comment and kinda dumb comment that she shouldn't let them walk over her because they were in her house. This in a way was kinda victim blamey as I said that she "shouldnt" let them walk over her, but what I was trying to convey and what she took from it was that she had the ability to make changes that put her more in control.

Just trying to provide a bit more perspective to the patronizing thing. I agree that it does happen and people trying to help what are essentially victims should be careful with how the present ideas for them to take more control.  

For staff members reading this it never hurts to send a message to someone getting shit on even if you think they are friends with someone. You never know how what you see as a mean comment could touch on something much more serious for someone.