[Nate]

   I don't remember excessively kicking you from calls and such unless it was a group thing and we were messing around and joking with you. The last time I had spam invited you to that discord server was more than two months prior. Either way, it was a bit uncalled for; especially when I had told you that it was fucked up after the first couple times you told me to kill myself. I know you didn't know the history, which is part of the reason why I accept your apology; but none the less, nobody should ever be going that far on a joke like that.
 
     I can't really say I know exactly what you mean when you speak of "my group". I assume you are referring back to the "Dong's group" vs "Reina's group"? If so, I had several friends in both "groups" until I was alienated by a certain few and accused of "siding with one group" and accused of things like being a racist and leaking. Absolutely none of those things are true. Yes, I am friends with many people in Dong's server, and the same went for Reina's server. I called out and still call out things I find to be bullshit and poor behavior on both sides.

     About +1'ing your applications in the past, I couldn't find examples from this year or last, but I didn't look too hard and you're probably right anyway. At the time of any +1 I gave you, it was because I was under the impression that you had grown and changed a lot. However, throughout time, I have changed to be under the impression that a lot of the friendly behavior you seem to put on before you apply for staff is an act. Also throughout time, I had a lot of hope that you would continue to change until I started to see more and more toxic behavior displayed from you.

That's a fair stance and it is an absolutely valid stance to take, It was extremely fucked up. I never got messaged about this from any server owner (Including quantum) or any message from you about it and I would've 100% apologized then and there. It was an extremely toxic moment and I yet again apologize for it. (I am glad you accept my apology)

I am referring to your group as in more than just "Dong's group" It includes a lot of people and for atleast 1-2 years now they have hated me and been harassing me in their private spaces and plotting/planning against me for no reason (I can tell*) other than who I was associated with. If I recorded everything and took screenshots and used it as a gotcha moment like that's been tried against me on this thread and in the past, I could've showed it here but regardless I think being harassed by this group for this long is so silly. 

Edit*: I am not saying you are participating in the harassment, you are in that group of people and have definitely seen it go on. If you look in any of the servers that group is in there's a whole 18 page document there to dissect.

It's not an "act" I put on, I just gauge my behavior for the community. Everyone does this to some extent and even people you are friends with and have supported for staff. If everyone knew how a lot of staff acted outside of this community they wouldn't want them as staff. Refer to the "Friend Group A Joke with Friend Group B" meme, it's kind of like that rather than I act entirely different within the community.

While I do forgive you, I will still have my doubts until I see what I perceive as honest and true growth. I truly hope that your statements are true and I don't see that type of behavior displayed again; as I do hope the best for you. If you want to take the rest of this to DM's, I'd love to discuss more; as I am genuinely curious as to who and what you are exactly referring to.