[jonifun92]

-1'ing someone who is giving you pretty solid suggestions and feedback on your app isn't really a good look. Also, it makes me think that there could be some difficulties handling criticism you could get while staffing so I'm gonna be at a -1

I find this to be an incredibly bad take, an even worse assumption. Also hypocritical, maybe not from you as I don't know you well but multiple of the staff love to just reply with a +1/-1 emoji instead of voicing real opinions.  This has always bothered me as someone whos autism needs to see words. What feedback am I really receiving if after one reply everyone just +1's and leaves it at that? I understand not wanting to repeat what the first person said over and over but when only one person says it I'm less inclined to pay attention as its one opinion over the many people I know have seen this post (but again I see the multiple +1's).

What also doesn't help me intake what virunas said is there's no examples shown. I believe whole heartedly I have improved since tiefling messaged me about my RDMing. I'm also unsure why virunas says "than any staff member". I am not a staff member of any active server. The DEV rank is not staff either even if I'm in the staff discord. While the (unforgiven) reports may be different, BG_Games RDMs/Causes RDM way more often than I believe I do. Especially when he's on the server high, I specifically unforgive reports on him so he stops rdming me. 

Same with the "spend rounds being vocally upset by it", With no examples I can only assume these are slays where I had a hard time understanding why. As I am mentally slower than the average person it may take me several times of being told something to understand it or I have to repeat it myself to learn said thing easier. Possibly though they were also slays that I didn't properly understand, for example. On minecraft city yesterday I was RDM'd by Cleo because they thought I had Bold Booze. This report was dismissed by Anxelic(? I forgot who it was) for "non proven with bold booze didn't respond in chat" when I hadn't had Bold Booze. I did exactly what Tdawg4  had told me to do earlier and I used @ chat to relay this information. Anxelic PM'd me asking "did you not?" I replied back with "I didn't have booze." They still never got slayed to my knowledge, after I asked "when do you get slayed" on the last round I think, they also asked "why wasn't I slain?". I did not bring it up again, till now of course. I never was communicated to either about why they weren't slain to my knowledge.

Lastly, the information you decided was enough to reply for. I -1 Virunas's message not because I'm "angry" or whatever you might consider it. It's because them saying that makes me feel like I truly haven't progressed as a person and this community will always view me as the RDMing child I was years ago. I spent genuine hours crying because I feel Like I'm incapable of changing. Which is why I went silent on the server and disabled the chats because I didn't want to continue to feel like a burden to the players. I told rand back in 2024 I would not apply again because I didn't want any improvement I made to be considered tied to wanting a staff rank as it was previously always presumed. So that asks "why now?" well after I had told rand that I was kicked out of my home by my mother and had lost my PC for months until I got a hand me down from a neighbor. So I had to completely get back into the flow of TTT because It had been too long and it felt like so much changed in a short time. ISTG It was taken like I was on purpose  trying to be a pessimistic asshole and again accusing me of just trying to avoid punishments by teetering on the line. Time and Time again I feel beat down when never will a single person take the time to ask me how I'm feeling during a situation. It always feels like I'm roadkill getting hit again by the same car just for fun. 

Even with this I'm sure I'll hear "tldr", "sob story? manipulation tactic.", and probably more. God forbid I wish to be honest about my feelings when coming to a situation. I continue to lose faith in how the staff team take things I say because you are quicker to make your narrative from what I said, rather than making sure what I intended to say came off correctly. I'm exhausted having to explain everything I mean because one person takes what I said differently from my intention. I can only imagine what rumors I'll hear from this.

I feel like they should give you a chance. I see no reason you would do bad as staff. I do also believe that as soon as a person gets in his staff boots, he starts to give everything a second thought also. Good luck, I hope to see you green