[Jammin]

Some of my comments are going to be rather direct, there's no intention for this to hurt feelings/etc. Just speaking my piece.

...I'm not going to continue giving to a community that spits venom back at me. Weather they want to say its their ironic characters or "just a joke" I didn't like any of it. Joining the server to have someone say "you suck" because I didn't agree to a change they wanted to the way people would say "yeah, why don't you go do that" coming off in such a sour way. I'm not going to put all this genuine effort into something and making the changes I want to see for people to tell me how they would have done it.

In fairness, this is how staff are treated on a daily basis, particularly the admins. When you contribute to this community, you have to sift through the CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and disregard the brainrot. And lord knows this community has a hella lot of brainrot. But, genuine feedback from the community is important to bear in mind. Perhaps some kind of google form or forum thread could be a better means of feedback for the dev team in place of DM's to individual devs? Maybe a suggestion channel?
Part of "staffing" is ignoring the stupid.

"You have a tendency to overreact to criticism and respond immaturely to things". 
All I can really say is proof? I have definitely responded to things recently immaturely for example with that RDM from puppies yet that reaction was because of them lying about the situation. With Overreacting to criticism though I can't think of a time recently where I have done that and I would love an example clip from anywhere showing that this is still an issue as this has been said on every application I've ever made. So I was aware to keep it mindful this time around. Same with the moment in #TTT chat with Murl, we clearly miscommunicated and my choice of ending the conversation wasn't one he liked. But I still think I was respectful about it where as Murl went out of his way to say "Grow Up".

I'm personally on Murl's side. Sorry. You could have said "I don't have a timestamp" instead of giving such a runaround response. Murl was working hard to coordinate a fix, and your response comes off as abrasive and immature to me. I think this is a minor issue for a community member, but something of significance when you are going to be representing the server.

"your motivations for staffing feel misplaced"
As you can see in the thread I again seemed to have miscommunicated my reason but I did make a second post to clarify those statements... about it how doing reports is more enjoyable and if possible I'd love to just do reports... I'm not applying for mod or admin here though this is "Just Trusted", an argument thats been used for many of applications and have been accepted on those grounds. With just trusted I'm doing the bare minimum staff work at the most enjoyment of staff work....

Trusted role is more than "just doing reports" even in game. As trusted, you are a representative of the admin team and Dink at that time. Your handling of reports as a trusted is doing so on behalf of the admins/dink. Frankly, you have to be trusted to be capable of seeing the @ admin chat - that alone is a big step. There's a reason why most folks aren't given donor+ - we see admin chat, and you have to be trusted to see that chat and keep any reports there in confidence.
I'm not implying that you can or cannot be trusted, I'm mainly responding to the "Just Trusted" comment. Even just an in-game rank is more than just a reports handler, when setting aside the "access to staff chat" argument.

"your aversion to responding in the thread doesn't lend well to staffing"
What more would you have liked me to respond to? This is a question to everyone now. I believe that my single post covering the main concern that I didn't really want staff if I spent most of my why section "yapping" as someone put it.

I'm not sure I agree with this particular statement, as you were responsive to some items, and threads can devolve into a petty back-and-forth fairly quickly. I'm more concerned about information potentially missing from the app to begin with, as the motivation initially listed turned out to not be correct.

"there was concern about you continuing to use a map exploit on skeld after having reported it."
I honestly can't really believe this is a real complaint. Both of you had been on to attempt to fix it and then didn't fix it. I'm also sure not the only player or staff to report something and then keep doing it because its not fixed.

Sure you aren't the only player or staff to report then keep doing it, but you are the only player with a staff application doing so. Just because enforcing/fixing random exploits aren't a top priority, doesn't make it acceptable to continue to, well, exploit the exploits.

"Staffing out of obligation will only burn you out faster."
Once again this is just projecting what you think onto me. I obviously am not you nor do I know you. That also applies vice versa though. As I said in my clarifying post I have no issues with this. I burn out of gmod for like a month before getting right back into it. Even if I'm not playing on the server I'm still actively making mods for other people through commission or for friends in private servers. Even look at my current hours (as far as I know) I have more hours on the server than most active staff at the moment. Even when I asked several players about staff playing the game Nelluc9 and Anxelic, With sometimes Thaye were the most common responses. Though I'm not going to double check the hours on this because from my memory as someone playing almost everyday these are the only people I think of for even "Active" staff. I've sometimes seen psycomike and bg more recently but still less than the first 3 mentioned. Yet with the time I put into the Dev team and the time I still put into the server off the Dev team this is just really disappointing to read the admin say. It gives me the feeling they don't even know that I'm active and have been trying to actively change.

I'll just add onto what Tiefling said, just about every admin that resigns from here resigns a burnt out person, tired of the nonsense. Even with the highest levels of self-control, burnout is a difficult issue to manage, even in life in general.

Which from my perspective is true! Why? From my time on the dev team I would actively post in the dev channels about most of what I was doing and what I wanted changed. We as the devs communicated mostly well. I would be excluded when some new things were added such as a few playermodels and it then being thrown at me to be fixed "if I want to" (but if I don't someone's going to say "aren't you a dev?" and complain that I didn't fix the sudden additions). I pretty much never knew when new maps were being tested as a group until much later.

The phrase "We devs communicated mostly well" and "I never knew when maps were being tested" don't mix. I'm not sure what the point is of this first section.

The worst though was every so often tiefling would wake up and get on the server to give herself all the new items then ping anyone related in dev chat that something wasn't working even if it was working as intended but she wouldn't know cause I don't think she ever looks at the dev work proactively. We wouldn't know either because she would only come in to comment on stuff like signalis still being bald when the server hadn't even restarted yet. (the only time I know she proactively looked at the channel was me asking for JC to test the fix on live but she possibly only checked because she was getting on to make comments on the update that day) One of my main core memories from this was when we added the spraycan. Tdawg4 gave me a perma one while he decided what to do with it (rest in peece Tadmin4). tiefling's first response of course was to give herself one but she couldn't immediately find the perma one after seeing me use it so she accused me of hacking myself one when Tdawg4 literally gave it to me when It got added because I made it, does it NOT make sense for me to have one? Plus she made this accusatory claim in PMs which I should have screenshotted I can't believe I didn't so relay won't have it but maybe by gods grace someone clipped it because I refused to PM her back with such a dumb claim they thought to record what I was yapping about in vc. This really goes to show that there was a massive lack of trust with me even though I hadn't done anything nor have I done anything at this point. 

I don't see the issue here outside of what Tiefling addressed - seems like you are calling her out for admin giving themselves PS2 items - something that has been done since the dawn of time. If you are putting in admin-level work, you get the admin-level perks. Every TTT admin has done this, who really cares? As one of the few who have given actual money to this server, I don't care.

Now that suddenly since I've left Dev chat It seems that all trust is completely gone. I've asked virunas to add the last new melees I created before leaving but they haven't responded at all since. I've asked chibill to do it but he refused the first time and didn't tell me why. The second time I asked he said all this here . Are we really going to completely remove me from everything just because I'm not directly a dev anymore? The fact that I made all the items and provided everything before leaving dev it doesn't matter anymore as if I did nothing? Does this mean the christmas crate that I already had prepared is just going to go to waste now because I made it? I ask about it specifically because I've not heard anything about it. Chibill complaining in game is the only way I've been able to get updated on anything I left.

That's, not, how development is supposed to work. It is a collaborative effort, and it seems you are just trying to sidestep the process.

For example a teaming report that I provided to tiefling on 11/17 which I've heard nothing since and only found out they were even looking into it because someone randomly liked the video. So I asked Chibill in game "So any updates on that teaming report?" This is obviously just meant to be shittery but I expected nothing less then "we are looking into it" or "we are debating it currently" clean and simple. Instead I got a full rant of "wow you submitted evidence but okay it doesn't involve you" so sure I could have said something in a less harping tone but this is just dissapointing. I'm sure I've annoyed Chibill at this rate with my annoying comments about the new melee weapons which I'm sorry for, but this is not the reaction an admin really should be given when asked for simply an update. I'm not asking for your admin chat cliff notes. Which I also need to clarify again that there is no leaker I don't have some funky alt in admin or staff chat. Predictability and Coincidences are not me having leaked access to it, please stop being schizophrenic about it.

So, you are bothering Chibill when he's trying to play TTT with admin stuff, got it.

So with all of that why was I REALLY denied? I emphasis this because of how tieflings message came off that she DM'd me on discord right here

Let me ask a question, why does Tiefling need to justify her support or lack thereof? If you don't get support, you don't get support. All you are entitled to on a staff app is the collective decision and, if denied, some constructive feedback. Not a full individual accounting.
You will never please everybody. If someone doesn't particularly support you, you can't always correct that. This reads as "tiefling must justify their disapproval to me" - if that is the case, that's a bad attitude to take on.

Because to me it reads that the only reason she decided on a denial was because of me sending addons to dink.

As a dev, bypassing the dev/admin team is not exactly increasing trustworthiness. Also, just because you send something to the admins, doesn't mean they have to accept it. You propose things to the admins, and they accept or decline and send it to dink.
Believe it or not, Dink declines suggestions from the admins all the time. You don't see a mass rebellion over that, do you? No. If I had something rejected as an admin, I took the feedback and took action.

The players notice this mention it all the time yet instead its silent on the western front and for what? What is it that we are so afraid of to add back a map that everyone likes, Why are we too scared to message the person who just made a bunch of shit for the server. Like I shouldn't have to be complaining about this, making another thread to be tossed into my Addressing The Complaints In The Forums or a "Mr. Porky dinks lore v2" but blahaj didn't eat her own ass for nothing. All of this could have taken minutes to address but instead its left to rot and fester to this point in time where I'm back to believing I'm banned from getting staff ever again and they just don't want to tell me about it.

Your most recent app didn't address the concerns from the previous app. It seems as simple as that.
Also, actions of the past impact your future reputation as a staff member. But I believe you are not getting staff due to the reasons listed.

I'm burnt out of every post I make getting -1 and anything slightly against me or my friends is also instant given negative rep just because. I know nobody is gonna drop the staff chat thread about my app to actually maybe make me believe there isn't a massive cult around me not getting staff, but any type of proof that there isn't would be more appreciated than anything. I blamed the staff team as a whole a little too hard in my reply to tief I admit, a bad habit when discussing admin decisions. Even having people like Uncle Brahma who has "left" the community still coming out to drop a stinker that people blindly like when he's saying all I want is staff chat. Then having several people also tell me I should just lie on my next staff app like its a game you have to win by pleasing everyone in a certain time limit. If me being honest that I would enjoy the server more and that it would be less stressful as a staff member isn't good enough as a reason then I don't know what you want me to say.

I think you are caring WAY too much about what random people say about you on the internet.
Forum rep - who cares? I'm probably in the top 10 or so in forum rep - who the hell cares? Internet points are meaningless in life.
Also, not to toot my own horn, but I notice I generally get positive rep from having good takes. It is exceedingly rare to get a -1 by some friend group spamming, and even if they do - who the hell cares? It has literally no impact on your life. Or it really shouldn't.

So thats my tall glass of tears from me being extremely saddened that we still can't communicate properly with the community, I'm immediately pushed away from knowing anything after stepping back, That trying to end my dink cycle of life with trusted after (i think) having a great dev run is shot down not because of the community but because of a single really biased admin (which is just how I've ended up perceiving this situation with what I've been given). Which I want to VERY CLEARLY state that this isn't about my staff app getting denied, I'm only using as the stepping stone to this larger issue that I've continued to witness being a regular player, staff, and Dev. Though I don't actually think anything will come of this or change or even be taken seriously given the past. All I can do is hope for change as It doesn't seem like any time soon I'll be able to make the changes that at least I would like to see following this post and the many before it.
Some extra things that I wasn't sure how to shove them in. I had made a report to tiefling about Jack using teleport to kill me when I had told him not to do that prior. She and Chibill kinda ignored this report entirely because of something he did in the video (least thats how it was perceived by me). tief said days later when I asked if anything happened they had talked to him but I have no reference of if they did that day or when it happened. I don't even assume they talked to him about using his staff commands because they only focused on the thing. I also doubt he got slayed for the false slay he gave me as I never saw it. My report on someone delaying for multiple rounds also received no response ever. 
Something I say right at the start is how player reactions affected my decision to leave the Dev team with a lot of what they said. I know this same similar thing happens as staff, people complain over a single slay even being in the wrong. They @ you in admin chat just to bitch you muted them for slurs. Is something I've dealt with before and is really funny when it happens. I know as staff its because I'm doing what I'm meant to, On dev it feels that people are directly attacking my work and passion. Someone calling me a loser for giving them a slay isn't impactful, Where as them calling me a loser because I nerfed the fist again is. 
I get this is a load of hoopla over nothing but please don't just say nothing ever changes like I always do. We don't need old players all tumbling on about how many times this has already been rummaged through. Jax's Addressing, My Addressing, And More have all dragged this on yet we are still here and we know that. somehow we stay content within that so clearly something IS working. Also none of this is to say what Virunas, Chibill, and tiefling do behind the curtains before the dust bunnies start the show. I don't know anything happening there and maybe its really good something that actually having major effects but at least I have seen nor heard of any of it. I'm not trying to make them the gods of evil especially not Virunas they were doing stuff for a good bit before tapering off into life. Which is great live that life girlypop.
Also is boombox still the only one unable to make a forums account? I noticed that prot-whatever has been the only new member for awhile and I'm wondering if thats an issue for anyone else. I've not heard from either Ryan in a long time so I don't know if its a real issue or not but hey we wouldn't know because theres no-one to communicate with.
In the end this IS just a game. I get that, you get that, we all do. This is still a community though, we are still people. When the leaders of that community fail us its not all about the game its about the people being affected by the leaders choices.

I'm just going to summarize the rest of this for now, due to time obligations.

"In the end this IS just a game." You seem to be treating this as some vast conspiracy that the current admins are perpetuating.
Are the admins perfect, no. Are they intentionally delaying your app? Skipping your hacking video? Not adding things to the server? I would venture to guess, no, they are not intentionally doing so.
I would venture to guess that all 3 admins are unpaid volunteers, working many hours a week to support a server providing no financial benefit to themselves. I would venture to guess that each sacrifices time away from their family, friends, loved ones, to spend time with this community, because this community has one of the better TTT servers left.
I think you were denied your staff app because you weren't ready to become a TTT Trusted. and frankly, this entire thread seems to support that notion.

ps please give me donor+ or remove my donor rank back to supporter donor purple is just not as good of a colour.

Donor+ decisions are Dinks and dinks alone. Given the work you've done, I won't be surprised if you get it.

I've spent a quarter of my lifespan here and all I got is a spraycan and some jacks. and thanks bryanbrr for sharing his appreciation.

I'll echo Bryan's appreciation. Even during my tenure as discord admin, you were constantly providing suggestions for new emojis, stickers, etc - and I feel I took those into a fair consideration. I thank you for your contributions, both to me personally in the discord, and to the server.

Also no tl:dr this time, If you don't want to read it (or at least some of it) then just skip this one. Nothing that hasn't been said before. and thus, it begins.

funny thing I saw by accident

I would advise trying to organize your statements a bit better in the future, even I had trouble following some of this. Granted I'm a senile old man, but still, this was an incredibly long read without a very clear flow.