[KaptainLes]

I'm just going to speak from my opinion and my opinion alone on this, This is not a reflection of any of the other admins on the team. I will Tho, share some of my opinions on how I feel / some personal things that are affecting me. 
 
1. My current state / Values
To address this first

 
First off, Let me state I was never voted in, I was asked to be discord admin, which was a role I was originally against taking but agreed to in the end, at the time, it was supposed to just be until someone else took the mantle, but after a while I grew to like it, I enjoy trying to make new features and improving the discord, and I’m(at most times) proud of where the discord it at.
 
A little background, back in 2021, Some of you may remember the guy who would join PH and post unspeakable IMGUR links. Unfortunately, back then, the discord relay would auto-populate with the image, It was late night so after being told about him being back I went to try and delete the shit from the relay... lets just say some people are truly fucked. I ended up having to spend quite a bit of time in therapy and took some time away from the server. To this day every time someone brings up pedo related convo or shit, there is a chance I have a flashback/breakdown. Just for full clarity, I don't see the work Pedo and instantly breakdown, but sometimes when the topic is prevalent I just remember shit and it hits me, I think a fair few staff from around that time period who dealt with those images can relate. Over my tenure of 2 years in the admin team and 3 1/2 years staffing I've been involved in dealing with numerous situations involving a wide range of topics removing quite a lot of people from this community that don't deserve to be here.
 
Not going to lie I'm near my breaking point Tho. The only thing holding me here is my love for the community and not wanting it to fall apart. That being said, these last 2 months have been hell. And being told constantly that "Upper Staff/Admins are pedos/sexual predators or people who defend pedos / sexual predators, is really de-moralising when in your time you have worked against these things, at times with the cost of your own mental health. 
 
 
2. Transparency 
The timing at which Reina’s resignation was posted was probably the worst time for me to have major dink stuff going on, I had 2 assignments due that weekend, I was handing over my team at work to the person taking over from me and was packing up my life ready to come to America for the next few months. I still have dumped 30+ hours into dealing / reading /responding to people over the course of this period because I don’t want this community to keep de-railing and go forwards. 
 
 




Yes, the explanation could have been a lot better given more time, in saying that Tho, at the time people were already calling out why no action had been taken and why some of these people were still in the discord/around, whichever way you look at it, some people were going to be unhappy. 
 
For at least transparency on my side on the discord side of things, even in those 11 days, some days I was not looking at punishments, I was having a few day breaks of time not looking at dinks due to the aforementioned mental issues and the amount that topic was being brought up. As far as "posting evidence, that's half the reason it hasn't been deleted, so people can go up and look themselves. I will admit that I was in a rush to get those punishments out in the end, before I flew to America and didn't feel like dealing with dinks shit whilst overcoming jetlag. So that's my bad. When it came to the punishment time lengths, severity and involvement were the main contributing factors. 
 
As for some of the "other people" that were brought up, some cases have been closed out with no punishment, and some I just haven't for around to yet. Its kind of hard to find time to deal with everything with new issues popping up daily. 
 
As for the fine-line comment, ill just copy and paste what I have sent to others. 
Unfortunately, there is the issue of protecting people from further harassment vs giving full context to the person banned, its a difficult line to walk and I will say there is much discussion about it. I don't think personally any of us are truly qualified in decision making and where to stand on this.
 
Realistically that comment about admins falling of the line is your opinion, and the opinion of others, its not true or false statement. And in terms of your statement about our discussion with people, its a very dangerous line to walk. Realistically there is no winning at the end of the day, finding the balance is difficult when neither side of dinks wants to meet in the middle right now, protect the victims blindly or allow for defending and possible retaliation harassment. I always suspected a callout post about transparency about this would happen. 
I remember thinking back then there is no real way to reveal the evidence without revealing the people. At the time I called it being stuck between a rock and a hard place. With the two groups ready to call you out for “not defending women” or “transparency / getting the other side of the story”. As someone who values trying to be unbiased it wasn’t great, best I could do was hear the defendants side if they asked.
 
Although I am going to say, if you come to the admin team with an issue, do not manipulate evidence, falsify evidence, or just straight up lie to paint someone in a worse picture. It severely damages our ability to trust the evidence we are presented with and therefore actively creates an environment that is less safe for women.
 
In my honest opinion, the bans were valid for the timeframe.
 
 
3) The Community
I want to emphasize the point that being a staff member is not a paid position, its people volunteering their time to help and improve a gmod community which they enjoy playing.
The shear number of hours that have been put in lately by staff to try and sort shit out has been the most I’ve seen in since being here. Noone I think is actually really 100% over what to do in every situation, I am trying, I may not always hit the nail on the head, but I am trying.
 
There are people in the community that do not have any love for it, they just want to see it burn for their own entertainment. To those people, politely fuck off. I’m over dealing with people that don’t genuinely want to try and improve the community, they just complain and stir up shit.
 
To the People that enjoy and have love for the community, thankyou for sticking around. Reach out with anything you want, and whilst I can’t promise you it will be handled exactly the way you want it to be, as least we can try and work on a solution together.
 
I will do some another post when I have time to talk about the discord staff stuff in particular.

[tiefling lesbian]

snip

Thank you for your work in the community, Kap. You are appreciated even if it isn't always apparent.

[Starling]

the fact that almost none of the evidence or points made against tiefling are grounds for demotion kinda proves the point this post was made in saltiness to try and get the last admin (who's the only real voice for for everyone who is either feminine presenting or part of the queer/lgbtq+ community) out so the misogynistic racist assholes can run rampant on the server and excuse their own behavior when they get called out for shitty behavior by downplaying what they were called out for and saying "but this person said they hated straight white men 2 years ago!!!".

The only real thing to even consider is the outside discords being brought up into dinklejecture which in reality outside discords shouldn't matter unless there's encouragement of harassment or other really fucked up behavior from staff members in it (which from what I've seen, is the case lol. don't try to pretend it's different). 

Also, the bunny burrow thing is really fucking petty and everyone involved in making that known to the public should be ashamed of themselves lmao, literally sending your pick me friend in there to lurk and grab screenies is psychotic and you should get help if tiefling staffing and helping out another ttt server makes you this upset.

Now I've been silent this entire time so it is about time I made myself known.

First of all let me clear up the main assumption I keep getting seen thrown around, no one sent me to or created up a whole scheme for me to go lurk on your dead ass server. It was my own involution as Dinkleberg needed the proof of what was occurring behind the scenes as numerous individuals from the Bunny Burrow lied numerous times that it was merely a "Friend only" server to mess around whenever they were questioned on it. 

Now for a real voice for representing femininity and the queer/lbtgq+? Who in their right mind would appoint an individual so appalling to talk down on individuals of the opposite sex when the lbtgq+ is suppose to welcome any individual with open arms regardless of their sex, gender, sexuality and stance within society's labels. Someone who has said in the past that all straight males should perish and even wished death upon an unborn child nonchalantly as if it was a mere greeting. I myself identify bisexual and acesexual and to even merely suggest someone who's actions speak and show the complete opposite of what the lbtgq+ stands for is such a slap in the face to what that organization not only stands for, but for every individual who has ever been targeted for their sexuality, gender or sex.

[proper]

Now for a real voice for representing femininity and the queer/lbtgq+? Who in their right mind would appoint an individual so appalling to talk down on individuals of the opposite sex when the lbtgq+ is suppose to welcome any individual with open arms regardless of their sex, gender, sexuality and stance within society's labels. Someone who has said in the past that all straight males should perish and even wished death upon an unborn child nonchalantly as if it was a mere greeting. I myself identify bisexual and acesexual and to even merely suggest someone who's actions speak and show the complete opposite of what the lbtgq+ stands for is such a slap in the face to what that organization not only stands for, but for every individual who has ever been targeted for their sexuality, gender or sex.

true, we should modify lgbtq+ to be more inclusive to cishet men! AS A BISEXUAL FEMALE, thank you for representing all of us in the queer community.

[HONG]

spittin

I myself identify bisexual and acesexual and to even merely suggest someone who's actions speak and show the complete opposite of what the lbtgq+ stands for is such a slap in the face to what that organization not only stands for, but for every individual who has ever been targeted for their sexuality, gender or sex.

the first thing you did coming back was borderline sexually harass me in the shoutbox literally shut yo ahh up

Now to make an "as a man" post, as a man who has been on the end of some of Tiefling's jokes from several years ago, they never contained any vitriol and were always pretty "le man bad" levels of joking; never anything that made me do more than roll my eyes or feel remotely targetted as someone who's both bisexual and a man

[alichay]

Now for a real voice for representing femininity and the queer/lbtgq+? Who in their right mind would appoint an individual so appalling to talk down on individuals of the opposite sex when the lbtgq+ is suppose to welcome any individual with open arms regardless of their sex, gender, sexuality and stance within society's labels. Someone who has said in the past that all straight males should perish and even wished death upon an unborn child nonchalantly as if it was a mere greeting. I myself identify bisexual and acesexual and to even merely suggest someone who's actions speak and show the complete opposite of what the lbtgq+ stands for is such a slap in the face to what that organization not only stands for, but for every individual who has ever been targeted for their sexuality, gender or sex.

organization??????? i'll try to be kind and charitable here: if you've EVER spent time in queer spaces or around queer people, this is EXTREMELY normal behavior. it's normal for minorities and people disadvantaged by society (such as queer people or women) to make these jokes. Especially if you're intersect multiple groups.

Literally every queer person i've ever met has said things like this. you don't (and can not) speak for women or for queer people as a whole.

[Starling]

Now for a real voice for representing femininity and the queer/lbtgq+? Who in their right mind would appoint an individual so appalling to talk down on individuals of the opposite sex when the lbtgq+ is suppose to welcome any individual with open arms regardless of their sex, gender, sexuality and stance within society's labels. Someone who has said in the past that all straight males should perish and even wished death upon an unborn child nonchalantly as if it was a mere greeting. I myself identify bisexual and acesexual and to even merely suggest someone who's actions speak and show the complete opposite of what the lbtgq+ stands for is such a slap in the face to what that organization not only stands for, but for every individual who has ever been targeted for their sexuality, gender or sex.

organization??????? i'll try to be kind and charitable here: if you've EVER spent time in queer spaces or around queer people, this is EXTREMELY normal behavior. it's normal for minorities and people disadvantaged by society (such as queer people or women) to make these jokes. Especially if you're intersect multiple groups.

Literally every queer person i've ever met has said things like this. you don't (and can not) speak for women or for queer people as a whole.

Now I do believe Damien can be quotes saying Teifling is "... the only real voice for for everyone who is either feminine presenting or part of the queer/lgbtq+ community)" so do explain why you are not going after that quote? 

[茶 Tea]

Now for a real voice for representing femininity and the queer/lbtgq+? Who in their right mind would appoint an individual so appalling to talk down on individuals of the opposite sex when the lbtgq+ is suppose to welcome any individual with open arms regardless of their sex, gender, sexuality and stance within society's labels. Someone who has said in the past that all straight males should perish and even wished death upon an unborn child nonchalantly as if it was a mere greeting. I myself identify bisexual and acesexual and to even merely suggest someone who's actions speak and show the complete opposite of what the lbtgq+ stands for is such a slap in the face to what that organization not only stands for, but for every individual who has ever been targeted for their sexuality, gender or sex.

organization??????? i'll try to be kind and charitable here: if you've EVER spent time in queer spaces or around queer people, this is EXTREMELY normal behavior. it's normal for minorities and people disadvantaged by society (such as queer people or women) to make these jokes. Especially if you're intersect multiple groups.

Literally every queer person i've ever met has said things like this. you don't (and can not) speak for women or for queer people as a whole.

Now I do believe Damien can be quotes saying Teifling is "... the only real voice for for everyone who is either feminine presenting or part of the queer/lgbtq+ community)" so do explain why you are not going after that quote? 

because the other ttt admins are icey and chibill.

[Avi]

I was told I could post this, so here are some screenshots with a situation that was handled incorrectly.  Essentially the staff were unsure how a rule worked on server, Foxka (not staff at the time) was explaining the rule (which he was correct per the MOTD), and the staff went to Tiefling for guidance outside of the server.  Tiefling incorrectly informed them of the rule and the situation was mishandled on server.  

The screenshots:





I can't say I can remember or know of other instances where rules were misinterpreted by Tiefling.

My main issue isn't this however, rather my experience playing with Tiefling on the server.  I was gone from the community for a couple of years, so I really know nothing of Tiefling before coming back earlier this year.  One of my first interactions with Tiefling felt off.  It probably won't mean a lot to most, but it came off as uncomfortable to me when it happened.
I was just playing TTT as it was, as a traitor, and killed Tiefling as an innocent.  I immediately received this pm on server:


At this point I knew nothing about Tiefling, had only played on server a couple of times with her, and it came off more mad that I shot her than anything.  I wouldn't think too much about it, but I've come to find out that others have felt the same way with comments like that on server (that's on them to share, I'm only going to share my experiences here).

There were other things I noticed, but I've discussed those with other admins, and if they think it's necessary, they can have a conversation about it.

[bunniey]

Now for a real voice for representing femininity and the queer/lbtgq+? Who in their right mind would appoint an individual so appalling to talk down on individuals of the opposite sex when the lbtgq+ is suppose to welcome any individual with open arms regardless of their sex, gender, sexuality and stance within society's labels. Someone who has said in the past that all straight males should perish and even wished death upon an unborn child nonchalantly as if it was a mere greeting. I myself identify bisexual and acesexual and to even merely suggest someone who's actions speak and show the complete opposite of what the lbtgq+ stands for is such a slap in the face to what that organization not only stands for, but for every individual who has ever been targeted for their sexuality, gender or sex.

true, we should modify lgbtq+ to be more inclusive to cishet men! AS A BISEXUAL FEMALE, thank you for representing all of us in the queer community.

I mean a big part of it is we're largely assuming people's genders and orientations here. For example, to many I'm just a white cishet guy because...I guess they've never talked to me or something? But I'm in reality notably native, very bi, and only use he/him pronouns because they fit me as I currently see myself better, but I'm pretty much nb in everything but pronouns. But I don't really make any of that my personality, not that I hide it, if it comes up I'll talk about it. (except the nb thing that's something i only really started talking about very recently to like two people but,,,,coming out ig? fk u helen anyway)

This is a problem when you have people entirely 180ing on how they feel about how they treated someone when they thought they were male vs when they found out they were nb/trans (which is something that has happened during this whole thing) 

I don't know if that's what Starling was even kind of going for but probably just something that needs said