[hoy89]

I can't stop crying I can't
I can hardly look at myself in a mirror and I hate my voice, I hate my clothes, I hate my body, I hate my face.
Ever since you and your group had gone after me, I realized I hated existing as a man, hated acting male. It never came naturally to me, I've always been more or less acting the part whether I was aware of it or not. Yet I was comfortable. I've gotten really good at acting. Deep down I knew I disliked it, but I tolerated it, relegating myself to being envious of other people who don't have to think twice about their gender.

But of course, you didn't know that. I know that you didn't, too, so you felt comfortable making harsh assumptions and felt okay with your friend group making those same assumptions about who I am. I talked it out with you in DM's, and I even thanked you at one point, but since then I've just been spiraling more and more. I've lost a lot of the hard earned confidence I've built up for myself, because despite all this, I still feel male on the inside and ugly. My brain can't even give me a break and just let me feel how I want to feel. Sometimes I do, most of the time I don't. I get caught up lost in myself, distraught because I feel I will lose whatever physical aesthetic appeal I have, my close relations, my family, my career choices if I take the chance and seek the help that I know I need. I've gotten support from the exact group that you and whoever aligns with you hates, ironically enough, which I am exceptionally thankful for. But this is online, it's not reality. Me in reality is sitting here at 4:30AM crying and overwhelmed, with no outlet except for an internet forum centered around a game that is nearly 20 years old. And yet, despite the age of the community, none of you can take a step back and realize that the words that you say, and the actions you take, have an effect on the people around you.

You (and your friends) claim to want to make a safe space, but I don't feel safe. I feel the worst that I have felt in my life right now, having an existential crisis and a mental breakdown as a direct result of your actions. I don't know why you think it is okay to be aggressive (and at times vitriolic) if you think that you are speaking to a cisgender male, that just doesn't make sense to me. I want to feel safe, and I thought I was for quite a while in this community. But I guess that was my nativity thinking for me, as the group that loves to parade up and down about how terrible the community is and how they want a safe place for people to interact, are the ones who have made me feel this way. And now what is there left? A huge chunk of staff are gone, so even if you truly did want to improve things, now you've made it an even larger uphill battle for the people that are still here. That's not fair. There might not even be anything to save at this point, and maybe you don't care since I guess you're moving to another community.

I wasn't ready for this, I really wasn't. I feel awful.

I hope you're happy.

[HumaneStephen]

what a baby...

[cow]

Damn this entire community needs a break

[MexicanBatman]

[Foxka]

what a baby...

You're a piece of shit for saying this, dude. 


Hoy, we love you no matter what my friend <3

[misstie6731]

Ily hoy <3

[Dildo Shwaggins]

Hoy, you are loved, haters be damned  

[chelllman]

what a baby...

You really are like a foot fungus that just won't go away.

[reina]

this is concerning. i'd like to talk to you about what you said here privately. i added you on discord.

[dong]

While I don’t know what it is like to be in your shoes, I can say at the very least that I will not let you go through this alone. You’re a good friend and an even better person who didn’t deserve stuff from here damaging your mental on top of everything else.