08-06-2019, 01:28 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-06-2019, 01:37 PM by donkeyskin1.)
Hi. It's me, Arcock. I've been staff for a while and for the most part it's been a good time. I've had fun. I've never really been the best staff member, and until last year I wasn't even really all that mature either. But I've tried to do my best, and I think I did a decent enough job. Only got demoted once! 
Recently I no longer feel that I have the drive to be staff. Sometimes I find myself just wanting to play the game instead of worrying about doing reports or gagging some retard who still thinks saying the n word is pure comedy. Sometimes I find myself not wanting to play at all. I'm a bit all over the place. You can only take so much complaining about how you handled a report or a situation before you just start to feel miserable every time you join and someone complains about a report in admin chat for two entire maps.
I also can't help but feel out of place in the new modern staff team. Years ago when I first became staff I knew everyone on the team and I was friends with nearly all of them, but now most of those players are gone or inactive. With this new team, and the new players, I kind of feel like the odd guy out, y'know? I'm not really friends with many of them at all. It just feels like I'm there, the dude in the back of the party who just sort of watches the entire thing for 3 hours and then leaves.
There are exceptions, of course, and I'm grateful for those people.
With school starting and all the other shit going on in my life, I don't want to have to worry about dealing with the amount of retardation that comes on the server daily.
I just want to play the game.
I was planning on posting this yesterday but Derp posted his first and I didn't want to take any attention away from that or anything. I still wanted to wait a few days but I just kind of needed to get this off my chest I guess. That makes it sound like I'm confessing to a murder or some shit instead of giving up my volunteer job on a video game server but y'know. That's just how it be.
Also, I'm not going to be playing nearly as much. My playtime will probably be cut in half.
This is due to a realization that finally managed to bore through my brain: I've spent way too much time playing video games.
I've always sort of realized it but I never made an effort to change that or stop it. I've been a lazy bastard.
But for some reason I've had a sudden urge to actually do shit with my life, probably caused by the realization that I'm going to college next year.
I'll be honest, I'm kind of stupid. You probably already knew that. But what I plan on majoring in kind of requires you to be quite smart in a subject I fucking suck at. If I had prioritized school instead of playing this unoptimized game, (among others,) I may have been far less stressed about it than I am right now. My social life would probably also be far better, and I may have even been decent at the guitar and piano right now, considering I got both over five years ago. I wish I had spent more time with family instead of staying cooped up in my room while they went out and did shit. Because now I don't speak to most of them because of some shit that went down, (That isn't even my fault, by the way.)
The point is, I regret wasting all my time. But, I can't turn back time (fuck off Cher) so the best I can do is to try and change now.
Just please take into consideration that playing video games all day may not be the best thing to do with your life. Spend time with your family. Go out and learn shit. Pay attention in school. Do your homework. Study. Learn an instrument. Literally anything worthwhile. You might regret not doing it later.
Recently I no longer feel that I have the drive to be staff. Sometimes I find myself just wanting to play the game instead of worrying about doing reports or gagging some retard who still thinks saying the n word is pure comedy. Sometimes I find myself not wanting to play at all. I'm a bit all over the place. You can only take so much complaining about how you handled a report or a situation before you just start to feel miserable every time you join and someone complains about a report in admin chat for two entire maps.
I also can't help but feel out of place in the new modern staff team. Years ago when I first became staff I knew everyone on the team and I was friends with nearly all of them, but now most of those players are gone or inactive. With this new team, and the new players, I kind of feel like the odd guy out, y'know? I'm not really friends with many of them at all. It just feels like I'm there, the dude in the back of the party who just sort of watches the entire thing for 3 hours and then leaves.
There are exceptions, of course, and I'm grateful for those people.
With school starting and all the other shit going on in my life, I don't want to have to worry about dealing with the amount of retardation that comes on the server daily.
I just want to play the game.
I was planning on posting this yesterday but Derp posted his first and I didn't want to take any attention away from that or anything. I still wanted to wait a few days but I just kind of needed to get this off my chest I guess. That makes it sound like I'm confessing to a murder or some shit instead of giving up my volunteer job on a video game server but y'know. That's just how it be.
Also, I'm not going to be playing nearly as much. My playtime will probably be cut in half.
This is due to a realization that finally managed to bore through my brain: I've spent way too much time playing video games.
I've always sort of realized it but I never made an effort to change that or stop it. I've been a lazy bastard.
But for some reason I've had a sudden urge to actually do shit with my life, probably caused by the realization that I'm going to college next year.
I'll be honest, I'm kind of stupid. You probably already knew that. But what I plan on majoring in kind of requires you to be quite smart in a subject I fucking suck at. If I had prioritized school instead of playing this unoptimized game, (among others,) I may have been far less stressed about it than I am right now. My social life would probably also be far better, and I may have even been decent at the guitar and piano right now, considering I got both over five years ago. I wish I had spent more time with family instead of staying cooped up in my room while they went out and did shit. Because now I don't speak to most of them because of some shit that went down, (That isn't even my fault, by the way.)
The point is, I regret wasting all my time. But, I can't turn back time (fuck off Cher) so the best I can do is to try and change now.
Just please take into consideration that playing video games all day may not be the best thing to do with your life. Spend time with your family. Go out and learn shit. Pay attention in school. Do your homework. Study. Learn an instrument. Literally anything worthwhile. You might regret not doing it later.
So yeah. I probably won't be playing as much as I used to.
But I had fun.
BYE LOSERS
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