01-20-2024, 01:34 AM
Today I come to talk about a serious issue that has recently been affecting the way I live my life. Since 2017 (I was 17 years old) I've been relating to people irresponsibly. I've always been someone who wanted to have a lot of friends and even loves in life. But today I got real, because I quickly realized the wrong way I'm living my life, always using people as pieces, and moving them in whatever way is ultimately only advantageous to me. In many different ways that I've affected a lot of people, WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT. What I would like to share with you is that I am looking for psychological treatment to help me with this issue. An example of just a normal situation in my life. My friend asked me to go to the beach (Actually I didn't even feel like going, but I went only because I was going to smoke hers) Another horrible situation is when there's money in the middle, I've been able to borrow money from friends and family even though I don't need it... And in a way I thought these attitudes were normal, because I was the one who was winning... But this way of living and thinking is quite self-centered and narcissistic. Now, as for the love life... Oh my god, that's where the biggest problem lies I've always self-sabotaged... Because I created a feeling of love or passion only for what the person provided me, and not for who they really are. Isn't that crazy? What I want to bring here is I for 6 years had a lot of psychological problems and only today 20/01/2024 I realize that I may have deceived several people and hurt them too... I've been feeling really bad lately about this, and I'm still reaching out to some people from the past because I feel like this is the right thing to do. My whole problem was that I created this "dark world" all in my head and being blinded by it, it ended up becoming the truth of my life. To add, I have many goals that since 2017 I wanted to accomplish them to feel better about myself. These things are like doing healthy things for myself like walking, working out, playing sports etc (Somehow I couldn't live my life autonomously and alone) doing what I really like. things that I've always liked to do, I put aside years ago to live a life of lies, in which I created myself alone and doesn't correspond with the other person, becoming a "fake" relationship... Only in this way with this great reflection do I come to discover that I am not well enough to have a loving relationship with anyone at this moment. I wanted to write this text so that I can help other people, or if someone has had or is going through something similar. Encouraging them to seek help is the best option! From today I become a better person by recognizing all this, writing this in this forum is also part of my process of improving as a person... That's it, if anyone feels comfortable talking with me about life, im here (LIFE is NOT JUST A TTT GAME).
