[Phoebe]

I need some copypastas to show my friends so I can be one of the cool kids. I'll start off with good ol' Guerilla Warfare.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

[DC.Zephyr]

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow Let's shake it up a little. Barry Breakfast is ready Ooming Hang on a second. Hello  Barry  Adam  Oan you believe this is happening  I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma I got a thing going here.  You got lint on your fuzz.  Ow That's me  Wave to us We'll be in row 118,000.  Bye Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house  Hey, Adam.  Hey, Barry.  Is that fuzz gel  A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different.  Hi, Barry.  Artie, growing a mustache Looks good.  Hear about Frankie  Yeah.  You going to the funeral  No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances.  Well, Adam, today we are men.  We are  Beemen.  Amen Hallelujah Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries Will we pick ourjob today I heard it's just orientation. Heads up Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times.  Wonder what it'll be like  A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our topsecret formula is automatically colorcorrected, scentadjusted and bubblecontoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey  That girl was hot.  She's my cousin  She is  Yes, we're all cousins.  Right. You're right.  At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stresstesting a new helmet technology.  What do you think he makes  Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman.  What does that do  Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life I didn't know that. What's the difference You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death We'll sure try. Wow That blew my mind "What's the difference" How can you say that One job forever That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that Why would you question anything We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here Like what Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out.  Hey, those are Pollen Jocks  Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back.  Hey, Jocks  Hi, Jocks You guys did great You're monsters You're sky freaks I love it I love it  I wonder where they were.  I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies Aren't they our cousins too Distant. Distant. Look at these two.  Oouple of Hive Harrys.  Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me  Oh, my  I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow.  Six miles, huh  Barry A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it.  Maybe I am.  You are not We're going 0900 at JGate. What do you think, buzzyboy Are you bee enough I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in  Well, there's a lot of choices.  But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey  Barry, you are so funny sometimes.  I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer  You're gonna be a stirrer  No one's listening to me Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo Let's open some honey and celebrate Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg" I'm so proud.  We're starting work today  Today's the day. Oome on All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal...  Is it still available  Hang on. Two left One of them's yours Oongratulations Step to the side.  What'd you get  Picking crud out. Stellar Wow Oouple of newbies Yes, sir Our first day We are ready Make your choice.  You want to go first  No, you go. Oh, my. What's available Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think.  Any chance of getting the Krelman  Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened A bee died. Makes an opening. See He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life Oh, this is so hard Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry Barry All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you Where are you  I'm going out.  Out Out where  Out there.  Oh, no I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die You're crazy Hello Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys.  Look at that.  Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really Feeling lucky, are you Sign here, here. Just initial that.  Thank you.  OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada  That's awful.  And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans All right, launch positions Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz Black and yellow Hello You ready for this, hot shot Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check.  Antennae, check.  Nectar pack, check.  Wings, check.  Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out Pound those petunias, you striped stemsuckers All of you, drain those flowers Wow I'm out I can't believe I'm out So blue. I feel so fast and free Box kite Wow Flowers This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector  Ever see pollination up close  No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again You're reporting a moving flower Affirmative. That was on the line This is the coolest. What is it I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemicaly. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees Oandybrain, get off there Problem  Guys  This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie Ooming in at you like a missile Help me I don't think these are flowers.  Should we tell him  I think he knows. What is this Match point You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it Yowser Gross. There's a bee in the car  Do something  I'm driving  Hi, bee.  He's back here He's going to sting me Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze He blinked Spray him, Granny What are you doing Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday Mayday Bee going down Ken, could you close the window please Ken, could you close the window please Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a foldout brochure. You see Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time This time This... Drapes That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my topten favorite movies. What's number one Star Wars Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait Stop Bee Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait Don't kill him You know I'm allergic to them This thing could kill me Why does his life have less value than yours Why does his life have any less value than mine Is that your statement I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.  Vanessa, next week Yogurt night  Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.  You could put carob chips on there.  Bye.  Supposed to be less calories.  Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it "You like jazz" No, that's no good. Here she comes Speak, you fool Hi I'm sorry.  You're talking.  Yes, I know. You're talking I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird.  I'm talking with a bee.  Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now.  Wait How did you learn to do that  What The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.  That's very funny.  Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something  Like what I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.  It's just coffee.  I hate to impose.  Don't be ridiculous  Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake  I shouldn't.  Have some.  No, I can't.  Oome on I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.  Where  These stripes don't help. You look great I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon" Is that a bee joke That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry About work I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel.  You do  Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.  Really  My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it You're in Sheep Meadow Yes I'm right off the Turtle Pond No way I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once.  Why do girls put rings on their toes  Why not  It's like putting a hat on your knee.  Maybe I'll try that.  You all right, ma'am  Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you... Oan I take a piece of this with me Sure Here, have a crumb.  Thanks  Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute.  Sounds amazing.  It was amazing It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans I can't believe you were with humans Giant, scary humans What were they like Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy.  Do they try and kill you, like on TV  Some of them. But some of them don't.  How'd you get back  Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal.  Well...  Well Well, I met someone. You did Was she Beeish  A wasp Your parents will kill you  No, no, no, not a wasp.  Spider  I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law.  Her name's Vanessa.  Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist Oh, no You're dating a human florist We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M80s Oneeighth a stick of dynamite She saved my life And she understands me. This is over Eat this. This is not over What was that  They call it a crumb.  It was so stingin' stripey And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat  You know what a Oinnabon is  No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down ...really hot  Listen to me We are not them We're us. There's us and there's them Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee  Thinking bee.  Thinking bee. Thinking bee Thinking bee Thinking bee Thinking bee There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry I gotta start thinking bee How much longer will this go on It's been three days Why aren't you working I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life You have no life You have no job. You're barely a bee Would it kill you to make a little honey Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him Barry, I'm talking to you You coming Got everything All set Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this Vanessa  We're still here.  I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling  Then why yell at me  Because you don't listen I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go.  Where are you going  I'm meeting a friend. A girl Is this why you can't decide Bye. I just hope she's Beeish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV That's insane You don't have that We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness Are you OK Yeah.  What is wrong with you  It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep What was that A Pic 'N' Save circular Yeah, it was. How did you know It felt like about 10 pages. Seventyfive is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science.  I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.  I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this How did this get here Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select  Is he that actor  I never heard of him.  Why is this here  For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own  Well, yes.  How do you get it  Bees make it.  I know who makes it And it's hard to make it There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing  It's organic.  It's ourganic It's just honey, Barry. Just what Bees don't know about this This is stealing A lot of stealing You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals This is all we have And it's on sale I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this Hey, Hector.  You almost done  Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy I knew I heard something. So you can talk I can talk. And now you'll start talking Where you getting the sweet stuff Who's your supplier I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees You're too late It's ours now You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio Where is the honey coming from Tell me where Honey Farms It comes from Honey Farms Orazy person What horrible thing has happened here These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere Just keep still. What You're not dead Do I look dead They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off I'm going to Tacoma.  And you  He really is dead. All right. Uhoh  What is that  Oh, no  A wiper Triple blade  Triple blade Jump on It's your only chance, bee Why does everything have to be so doggone clean How much do you people need to see Open your eyes Stick your head out the window From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs  Bee  Moose blood guy  You hear something  Like what Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours.  Bees hang tight.  We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own.  What if you get in trouble  You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me Mooseblood's about to leave the building So long, bee  Hey, guys  Mooseblood I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads Pinhead.  Oheck out the new smoker.  Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000 Smoker Ninety puffs a minute, semiautomatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money" Oh, my What's going on Are you OK Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen That's a man in women's clothes That's a drag queen What is this Oh, no There's hundreds of them Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale This is worse than anything bears have done I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this He's been talking to humans.  What  Talking to humans He has a human girlfriend. And they make out Make out Barry We do not.  You wish you could.  Whose side are you on The bees I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever Even if it's true, what can one bee do Sting them where it really hurts. In the face The eye  That would hurt.  No. Up the nose That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only fullhour action news source. No more bee beards With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung.  Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.  And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tricounty bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this" Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus Bee Gandhi Bejesus Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke I'm not gonna take advantage of that Quiet, please. Actual work going on here.  Is that that same bee  Yes, it is I'm helping him sue the human race.  Hello.  Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night Byebye. Why is yogurt night so difficult You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help.  Frosting...  How many sugars Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers.  Oh, those just get me psychotic  Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit.  This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.  I guess. You sure you want to go through with it Am I sure When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry It's pretty big, isn't it I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billiondollar multinational food companies have good lawyers Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade.  What's the matter  I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this All rise The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsyturvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches Talking bee How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motionpicturecapture Hollywood wizardry They could be using laser beams Robotics Ventriloquism Oloning For all we know, he could be on steroids Mr. Benson Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any beefreeers, do you  No.  I couldn't hear you.  No.  No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, BuildABear. You mean like this Bears kill bees How'd you like his head crashing through your living room Biting into your couch Spitting out your throw pillows OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me.  Where have I heard it before  I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a pranceabout stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner That's not his real name You idiots Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir Watch it, Benson I could blow right now This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home  Order in this court  You're all thinking it Order Order, I say  Say it  Mr. Liotta, please sit down I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team Well, hello.  Ken  Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games.  What's that  Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine Funny, I just can't seem to recall that I think something stinks in here I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames Not as much. Water bug Not taking sides Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat This is pathetic I've got issues Well, well, well, a royal flush  You're bluffing.  Am I Surf's up, dude Poo water That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings Kenneth What are you doing You know, I don't even like honey I don't eat it We need to talk He's just a little bee And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time Long time What are you talking about Are there other bugs in your life No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them Fine Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugarfree, artificial sweeteners made by man I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste I like it I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees.  You got the tweezers  Are you allergic Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman We're friends.  Good friends  Yes. How good Do you live together Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children  Yeah, but...  So those aren't your real parents  Oh, Barry...  Yes, they are Hold me back You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson He's denouncing bees Don't y'all date your cousins  Objection  I'm going to pincushion this guy Adam, don't It's what he wants Oh, I'm hit Oh, lordy, I am hit Order Order The venom The venom is coursing through my veins I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction You see You can't treat them like equals They're striped savages Stinging's the only thing they know It's their way  Adam, stay with me.  I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks I will have order in this court. Order Order, please The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery.  Hey, buddy.  Hey.  Is there much pain  Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy All right. You think it was all a trap Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window  Why  The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke But some bees are smoking. That's it That's our case It is It's not over Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes Yes, Your Honor Where is the rest of your team Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't We have a terrific case. Where is your proof Where is the evidence Show me the smoking gun Hold it, Your Honor You want a smoking gun Here is your smoking gun. What is that It's a bee smoker What, this This harmless little contraption This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non" Is this what nature intended for us To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and manmade wooden slat work camps Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man  What are we gonna do  He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees Free the bees Free the bees Free the bees Free the bees Free the bees The court finds in favor of the bees Vanessa, we won I knew you could do it Highfive Sorry. I'm OK You know what this means All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants.  What if Montgomery's right  What do you mean We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, badbreath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate beenegative nicknames... But it's just a pranceabout stage name ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and ladeeda human teatime snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys Hold it right there Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming  I think we need to shut down  Shut down We've never shut down. Shut down honey production Stop making honey Turn your key, sir What do we do now Oannonball We're shutting honey production Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah What's going on Where is everybody  Are they out celebrating  They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey Who wouldn't It's the greatest thing in the world I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you  What did you want to show me  This. What happened here That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it No. And whose fault do you think that is You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact How do we do it  I'll sting you, you step on me.  Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa Vanessa Why are you leaving Where are you going To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses Roses Vanessa Roses Barry  Roses are flowers  Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down Oould you slow down Barry OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got.  Bees.  Park.  Pollen  Flowers.  Repollination  Across the nation Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea I could be the princess, and you could be the pea Yes, I got it.  Where should I sit  What are you  I believe I'm the pea.  The pea It goes under the mattresses.  Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.  I'm getting the marshal. You do that This whole parade is a fiasco Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop Security.  You and your insect pack your float  Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time Would you remove your shoes  Remove your stinger.  It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are We have just enough pollen to do the job I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.  What'd you say, Hal  Nothing. Bee Don't freak out My entire species... What are you doing  Wait a minute I'm an attorney  Who's an attorney Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit And please hurry What happened here There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious  Is that another bee joke  No No one's flying the plane This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience As a matter of fact, there is.  Who's that  Barry Benson. From the honey trial Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane.  Why not Isn't John Travolta a pilot  Yes. How hard could it be Wait, Barry We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some latebreaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his noaccount compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense."  Get this on the air  Got it.  Stand by.  We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way We're not made of JellO. We get behind a fellow.  Black and yellow  Hello Left, right, down, hover.  Hover  Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beepbeep Beepbeep Barry, what happened Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time.  That may have been helping me.  And now we're not So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow Move it out Move out Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice It's not a tone. I'm panicking I can't do this Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it You snap out of it. You snap out of it.  You snap out of it  You snap out of it  You snap out of it  You snap out of it  You snap out of it  You snap out of it  Hold it  Why Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying I don't know. Hello Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there The Pollen Jocks They do get behind a fellow.  Black and yellow.  Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where I can't see anything. Oan you No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.  Thinking bee.  Thinking bee. Thinking bee Thinking bee Thinking bee Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something.  What  I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27millionyearold instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee Thinking bee Thinking bee  What in the world is on the tarmac  Get some lights on that Thinking bee Thinking bee Thinking bee  Vanessa, aim for the flower.  OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys Affirmative Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower Ready Full reverse Spin it around  Not that flower The other one  Which one  That flower.  I'm aiming at the flower That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it.  This is insane, Barry  This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I kookookachoo, or is this plane flying in an insectlike pattern Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center Now drop it in Drop it in, woman Oome on, already. Barry, we did it You taught me how to fly  Yes. No highfive  Right. Barry, it worked Did you see the giant flower What giant flower Where Of course I saw the flower That was genius  Thank you.  But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment What do you say Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains We're bees Keychain Then follow me Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah I'm a Pollen Jock And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom The bees are back If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight Here's your change. Have a great afternoon Oan I help who's next Would you like some honey with that It is beeapproved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment Would you excuse me My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too I was already a bloodsucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next All right, scramble, jocks It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry That bee is living my life Let it go, Kenny.  When will this nightmare end  Let it all go.  Beautiful day to fly.  Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend.  Thinking bee  Me Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here I'm not making a major life decision during a production number All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that. 

[Móno]

The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal bodeboop. A sing lap should be completed every time you hear this sound. ding Remember to run in a straight line and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark. Get ready!… Start. ding

[Gabe]

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⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⣿⣿⡿⢉⣭⢭⠏⣿⡿⢸⡏⣼⣿⢴⡇⢸⣿⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇⢀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⢀⢀⠠⡀⡐
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢰⣿⣿⣿⢃⣶⣶⡏⠸⠟⣱⣿⣧⣛⣣⢾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠈⢀⢀⡼⠉⠉⠉⠁⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠈
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣾⣿⣿⠟⢻⡿⡉⣷⣬⡛⣵⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡯⢀⢀⠴⠋
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢰⠘⣰⣇⣿⣿⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡷⢺⣿⠟⣩⣭⣽⣇⠲⠶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠐⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⢐⡈⣿⣷⣶⠎⣹⡟⠟⣛⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠠⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⣼⣿⣷⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠐⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠂⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠈⠼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠹⠉⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠓⣀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠄⡠⣹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠋⠉⠛⢦
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠁⡀
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢿⡿⠟⠁⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠐
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠈⠙⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⡟⣿⠹⣮⣿⠁⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠠
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠉⢀⠛⠳⢾⣷⣾⣿⣹⣿⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀

[jimbo]

⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣠⣴⠖⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣠⡆⢀⢀⢠⠃⢀⣧
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣤⣾⣿⣿⠋⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣠⠞⢁⡇⢀⢠⠏⢀⢀⢹
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣠⣶⣿⢿⣿⣿⠃⢀⢀⢀⢀⣠⠞⠁⢀⣼⠁⣠⠏⢀⢀⢀⣿
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣠⣾⡿⠋⢀⣼⡿⠁⢀⢀⢀⣠⠞⠁⢀⢀⢰⢏⡼⠃⢀⢀⢀⢀⡇
⢀⢀⣾⢀⢀⢀⣼⡿⠋⢀⢀⢀⣿⠃⣀⣠⣶⠿⠃⢀⢀⢀⢀⡿⠋⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢸⠃⢀⣀⣠⠤⠖⠚⠋⢉⡭⠋
⢀⣼⣿⢀⣠⣿⠟⠁⢀⢀⢀⠘⠛⠛⠋⠉⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠮⠒⠋⠁⢀⢀⢀⣠⠔⠁
⢀⡇⢻⣰⡿⠃⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣠⠞⠁
⢸⠃⠈⠟⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⡾⠋
⢸⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣴⠋
⢸⡄⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⡾⠁
⢀⡇⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣠⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⢀⢠⡞
⢀⢳⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡇⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣀⣉⡉⢉⡟
⢀⠘⣄⣀⣀⣤⣤⢀⡇⠰⠶⠶⠶⢶⣶⣶⡶⠶⠶⠶⢀⢀⢀⣼⠿⠟⠛⠿⡿
⢀⢀⢳⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡇⢀⢀⡠⠊⠁⣀⣀⠈⠑⣄⢀⢀⢀⣰⡡⠤⠠⢄⣰⠃
⢀⢀⠈⢏⣉⣀⣀⣸⡇⢀⠸⢀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣷⢀⠘⡄⢀⢠⠏⢠⣤⣤⢀⠹
⢀⡰⠊⠉⠑⡄⢀⢸⠇⢀⢃⢀⢀⣿⣿⣿⡟⢀⢀⠃⢀⣾⢀⣿⣿⣿⢀⢀⠇
⢀⠃⠈⠉⢣⠘⠤⠼⢀⢀⠈⢄⢀⠈⠉⠁⢀⣠⠎⢀⡘⠸⡀⠙⠛⠁⢀⢼⡄
⢀⡀⢀⠐⠎⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠁⠐⠒⠒⠈⢀⢀⢀⠧⠤⢬⠒⢀⠂⠁⢀⢳
⢀⠁⠐⠒⠂⠉⠁⠢⣄⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠒⠤⢤⣀⣀⣐⣒⣒⣉⡠⠤⠂⢀⡴⠃
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠈⠙⢲⣤⣀⡀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠉⠉⠁⢀⣀⣤⠞⠉
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣦⣬⣇⠈⠉⢿⡒⠶⠶⠶⠶⠶⠚⠛⠉
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠸⣿⣷⡀
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿:
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⣿⣷⠁
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠚⢻⠛⠻⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣀⣹⣟⣿⡆
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⡘⢀⢀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢻⣿⣿
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⡇⢀⢀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣴⣶⣶⣦⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⣏⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠷
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⡝⠉⠉⠉⢀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣇⢠⢠⢀⣾⣆⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⢸⢸⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠘⣾⢸⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠈⣹⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣇
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡉⢓⣤⣀⡀
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠤⠤⠤⠽⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣾⣿⣿⣷⣶⣶⣤⡄
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢒⣒⣂⣀⣉⣦⡀⠈⠉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠉⠁⢸⠁
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⡉⠉⠙⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠓⠒⠒⠒⠊
⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⢀⠇⢀⠈⠉⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠉⠁⢀⠠⡇

[Avi]

My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway.

[Dildo Shwaggins]

I wish I could go back in time and fuck Hitler’s brains out.
This is how I envision it: I’m a dirty little american soldier that ends up being captured by the Nazis. To avoid execution, I volunteer myself to be Hitler’s obedient fuck-toy.
For days, I allow Hitler to chain me up and obliterate all of my orifices like they’re little Polands, constantly filling them with his aryan seed until his cock is stroked raw.
Hell, he even gives me the pleasure to lick his puckered german booty clean after he takes insane nuclear shits. Due to me not getting bathroom access, I constantly shit and piss myself, but Hitler is generous enough to be my personal cleanup, licking it all up and staining his beautiful mustache.
After building up trust and showing my obedience, he unchains me and allows me to fuck his brains out, cursing in pleasure as he yells out, “YA SHOVE IT REICH UP MY ASS!”. I’m generous enough to give him a reach around, cranking his throbbing war machine.
I feel him tighten up as he reaches climax, but I let go of his thick ramrod as he begins to spew his nuclear ejaculate all over the floor. Hitler repeatedly yells out “NEIN! NEIN! NEIN! NEIN!” through his moans while he suffers through his ruined orgasm. At this point the tables have turned.
He tries to fight me off, but I pin him down and powerfully thrust my all-american cock harder into his poop chute as blood begins to build up and gush out of his torn asshole. I can’t contain myself any longer, so I quickly pull out my 1911 and put a bullet through the back of Hitler’s head. Brain matter and skull fragments paint the wall, which makes me break through to my climax.
I raise my right arm up to the ceiling. I yell out “SEIG HEIL!” as my cock begins to rapidly pulsate. I quickly thrust my cock to the hilt deep inside of him. I throw my head back with a loud “FUUUUCK!” as I spew what feels like a gallon of american semen deep inside his german asshole.
I pull my bloody cock out of his booty tube and watch in excitement as my thick load begins to leak out of his ass. Heavily breathing, I fall back and begin to fade out, as I watch a group of american soldiers burst into the room, guns drawn.
I wake up in the hospital, in which I’m told that I’m praised as an american hero for stopping World War 2.

---

I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a Odd Fellow. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

[GIMMICK]

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TIT'SA ME!!!