[ReThink]

It's been a crazy year. I finally got everything I wanted from the server. Power. Friends. Respect. But all good things must come to an end.

I take medicine for my depression and anxiety just to function, but I'm still in fight-or-flight every second of the day. The constant bombardment of trolls who seek to make my life hell has slowly caused my health to deteriorate, both physically and emotionally. I've become so paranoid as of late that I snapped and lost some good friends. I got fed up with the way one was treating me that I hurt the entire group. I'm just too angry and unhappy here.

I will be permanently leaving the server and the community some time in the next two weeks. This decision is final. I give up. I can't be made this unhappy anymore. The only way I'm ever going to make myself happy is if I never have to think about this place again.

This isn't my goodbye thread and I don't want any farewell messages here. That is coming later. This is just a heads-up since I feel y'all deserve that much. I'm gonna wrap up the last one or two things that need to get done (including the "label" issue on the leaderboard), then I'm posting my final thoughts before permanently banning myself. I'll miss this place, but I've got to take care of myself and this is the right thing to do.

I personally wasn't on this server before whatever happened with you happened, but I do know that you can't let the opinions and actions of others drag you down. Anger is a natural thing, unfortunately, and the key is to try to harness it, use it as a drive to power through the people who seek to put you down, use it as a reason to not quit. An angry man with all the control in the world is quite the unstoppable force.

Almost anything you do in life has the potential to bring you both anger and happiness, and you're not always going to get the one you want. The key is to always make the times you stand up one more than the times you fall, and to always find a lesson in your mistakes, as well as taking time to enjoy the times when you are happy, and remember them when you're ready to give in to continue forward. There will always be people on this world whose (seemingly) sole purpose is to get in your way, and you have to accept it, but do everything in your power to prevent them from doing so.

 And as for the friends you have hurt, all you can do is apologize and grow. Maybe some will return if they recognize your growth, but if they don't you can't be upset. You just have to get up and carry on. And you can always make friends, albeit not the same ones.

Maybe I'm just babbling, but despite not knowing you I think you should stay. Grow a little. Be happy, be angry, have fun, be frustrated.

That's what life is, after all.

I'll leave you with a piece of a poem you might like, Do not go gentle into that good night by Dylan Thomas;

"...Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."