[NO NAME]

why re open this thread and add even MORE fuel to the fire (reina should definitely still be allowed to respond obviously)

[tiefling lesbian]

why re open this thread and add even MORE fuel to the fire (reina should definitely still be allowed to respond obviously)

because i was typing my reply before the thread was closed and couldn't see it was closed and replying automatically opens it

[KaptainLes]

I will look into this over the next few days, for now closing the thread before it derailed completely was the right call. If anyone needs to add further details or information please DM me directly.

[reina]

this conversation made me seriously consider resigning, and the DMs i received after the conversation would have pushed me to do it had proper not messaged me. being corrected and called "ape brained" and "crazy" when i try to talk about an issue that many women in the community deal with was upsetting. it's frustrating now to watch the substance of my words be reduced to "bullying" because some of you believe that people's actions can't be criticized as long as they have good intentions.

i'm so baffled by this thread. if you read the conversation, you can see that i'm only talking directly to hoy in the first and third messages i sent, and in both of those messages, i'm saying "she's an adult and she's doing this because as a woman on the internet she learned that the best way to handle scary men is to be nice to them, so stop giving her stranger danger lessons like a naive child". that was all i had to say to hoy, and just because i didn't say it with a smile doesn't mean i was "freaking out".

after that, no name continued to try to reject my criticism on hoy's behalf, and i spoke to no name about what hoy said and about the behavior of a lot of other men in the community towards women. this is not "going in on" or "bullying" hoy, and calling it that is just blaming me for other people in the conversation bringing up hoy's name after i tried to move onto a greater issue. and the way y'all kept trying to drag coco into the conversation in an effort to debunk my point was incredibly unfair to coco, and referring to her response as a "ruling" in this post is seriously undermining the point several of us were trying to make. this conversation wasn't just about coco and hoy. a lot of men in this community treat women like children, and the second you receive criticism for it, you insult and belittle the person criticizing you. it's just ridiculous.

[reina]

i'm editing this post because, while i do still stand by my own words about how coco and other women in the community are often spoken to, i understand how overwhelming and disheartening that conversation must have been for hoy after learning more about their perspective. i want to clarify that i do still believe that this thread was unnecessary and did nothing to help the situation. the only thing that helped me see hoy's perspective was a screenshot of their own words.  

to hoy, i'm sorry for how i went about that discussion. i should have made an effort to foster a healthy discourse about an issue i've seen a lot of women dealing with in this community. instead, i branched off from a point i made about hoy's message directly into a discussion about how this community often treats women like children, without taking care to distance that conversation from my point about their message. as a result of a miscommunication i caused by doing this, hoy was repeatedly singled out, making them feel too uncomfortable to remain on the server. i still believe coco was being spoken to unfairly when people were telling her that she should have been more careful, but i don't think hoy deserved to be the center of the discussion that followed. i hope that this situation won't discourage people wanting to take part in healthier discussions about community issues in the future.