Thread Rating:
  • 8 Vote(s) - 2.25 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
More Dinkleberg Drama, Surprise! Issues with staff and the treatment of hoy89
#1
Exclamation 
Oh boy, I know I'm gonna ruffle a few feathers with this one, but I would be remiss if I didn't say anything.


First off I would like to preface this entire post by saying, I by no means wish to cause coco duress about this situation. I think the conduct that she was forced to endure was horrendous and the man responsible deserved to be removed from the community unilaterally. None of what I intend to say here looks to place blame on her nor does it look to take away from the seriousness of the conduct in question. 
My one and singular issue is with the combined behavior of both users AND staff with regards to how Hoy was treated after the fact. Also I would like it made very clear that the post itself and the arguing that ensued/may ensue is not to the fault of coco.


For context: 

It was revealed that, one night, address information between coco and the man in question were shared as a means to get door dash for each other.
Hoy responded to this information with "coco.. I really wish you would be more careful with these things"
(To note: other community members also expressed concern due to issues of safety, hoy will just became the main target for contention here.)

coco would then comment that she thought she was naive after this was expressed, where people were quick to reassure her that this does not mean she did anything wrong. This included Murl, Reina, No Name. Rightfully so.
coco then continues to elaborate on this saying things will be changing for the future and comments on her mental state and that she finds it difficult to say no to people.

Reina then puts forth the following:
"these men are making the decision to harass you. you're not responsible for their actions, and it's not fair to you that you have to feel unsafe because of lonely psychos who can't take no for an answer"
"and you being conditioned to be agreeable by the scary behavior of men online is not you being naive or dumb"


Why am I outlining this? Because no one disagrees with these points, not once does anyone try to argue or belittle coco based on believing otherwise but it will be insisted later on that people do and then said false disagreement is used to repaint hoys character/intentions.

Here begins the meat of the drama. https://discord.com/channels/26353637419...4095541308

(Certain messages have been omitted for relevancies sake, everything here will be an accurate depiction of the conversational flow and I have split the conversation by color to indicate where I think the problem lies).

>Damien responds to hoys comment with a gif
>Hoy says they are lost
>Damien: Clearly
>Brandeaux: They are just cautioning against giving out personal info to the dinkle residents
>Hoy: yeah? I'm not sure what is so controversial about telling people to be careful not to share their home address
>Damien: going "oh, you should be less trustworthy with people" is just not realizing the problem imo
>Reina: she's a grown woman, don't give her stranger danger lessons like she's a 9 year old
>Damien: it isn't coco's fault for trusting someone who she thought was a good friend
>Brandeux: I mean I dont think anyone here disagrees that qailub was the problem
>No Name: i dont see what hoy did wrong though? like maybe i missed something
>Reina: you guys keep infantilizing her and assuming she treats people like this because she's naive and not because some men are fucking scary when they feel like they've been rejected by a woman on the internet
>No Name: I'm not infantizing her, I'm just saying in general people should be careful who they give their address to online. again she did nothing wrong at all and im on her side 100%, like I recognize how terrifying some dudes online can be esp when they are lonely af and are rejected. i never said she does this cause she is naive.
>Reina: just stop assuming she needs to learn to be less nice when in reality she's doing her best to un-learn that the safest option is to be nice to threatening people.
>No Name: no one said she had to learn to be less nice though? at least i didnt, i cant speak for others
>Reina: my dude i'm talking to hoy

Important to note that hoy has not said anything since the first message in this pseudo log and wont till much further in the convo.

>Brandeaux: Yeah no one’s saying she has to be less nice. I don’t think it’s a mutually exclusive position to acknowledge that there are fucked people who tried taking advantage of a good person and wanting said good person to advocate for themselves by engaging in some extra self preservation with their private information. I’m pretty sure Hoy is coming at this with good intentions. Like everyone else here, they care for cocos well being and doesn’t wish to see this happen to her.
>No Name: you went off on hoy for like no reason
>Reina: did you seriously just call telling someone to stop giving her a stranger danger lesson """"going off on them""""
>Grump (reply to hoy's initial statement): What a genuinely stupid thing to say
>Reina: some of you treat women in this community like children and it truly pisses me off
>Brandeaux: It has nothing to do with her being a woman, I’m 100% certain hoy would say this to anyone this happens to. Why does this have to be a hostile exchange? Everyone here is coming at this with the same intentions.
>Panda: I think hoys statement comes off more as "hey, stupid quit making dumb decisions" instead of acknowledging that someone decided to be weird. And thats why its upsetting (just trying to word things clearer if i can for those who may not be understanding still).
>No Name: I agree with this, but again I just dont think hoy was meaning to imply anything
>Reina: then he shouldn't have said something that implies it

>Hoy: I was genuinely concerned for coco as I do care about the safety of not just her, but everyone else. Sorry if it came across in such a way.

This comment by hoy becomes completely unaddressed and it is continued to be argued by reina and moocow that people are infantilizing coco. With also some odd elucidation towards the disrespect of women through the conversation and as a consistent pattern in the server. (I am not here to argue about the latter).
>Moocow: reina is trying to explain how demeaning it is to be infantilized and yall are only concerned about her tone
>Brandeaux: Yeah it's just not infantilizing.
>Brandeaux: No one's treating coco like a child.
>Moocow: “hey this thing comes across like this certain way and it’s insulting” “ok but it’s not”
>Reina: ty for explaining to the women how women interpret your words instead of just taking it in stride

>Brandeaux: You’re projecting a meaning onto his words from an intent that wasn’t there. He already had to restate the intent cause people aren’t being charitable enough to see that hoy just cares about coco
>Brandeaux: Idk why you keep on beating the conversational horse about y’all being women, no one gives a shit. That’s not a motivating factor. Y’all are being ape brained for no reason.

I would like to extend an apology for this comment, I found this conversation really frustrating as I did not see the point in needing to slander hoy for an interpretation of words that was entirely divorced of any meaning of his besides the insistence that he was doing it.

And to include coco's ruling of the conversation:
coco: imm gonna cry ok I’m not mad at anyone or anything , i do think reinas sentiment is right, but I’m also not mad at hoy or offended by anything


To Summarize:
I take great issue with the way staff specifically handled this conversation, I wholly sympathize with the desire to support coco and ensure that no comments made would hurt or harm her in any way. However, there was no need to assume that anything that hoy said throughout this conversation indicated that they were trying to infantilize, belittle, condescend, or any other synonym from the brief amount of talking they did here. I should not have had to step in on his behalf nor anyone else against staff for the way they chose to treat them/their words. If they had truly had such a problem with the way this was declared it could of easily been handled privately, with hoy, instead of making accusations against them and then forcing a dialogue that was uncomfortable for all parties involved, especially coco. This incident created an opening for dogpiling against a person who had no ill intent and who didn't even have a chance to defend themselves before people jumped to insults/accusations. Which by the time they did, the conversation had already progressed enough to where their comments then began to be ignored. This resulted in them leaving as a result and feeling alienated from a community they had been apart of for a considerably great deal longer than I have, by people they considered to be on good terms with.

What I wish to happen as a result:
I would like to see an apology from specific staff to hoy for unprofessional behavior, a happy conclusion to this nonsense drama, and insurance that when they rejoin the community they will feel welcomed. 

They did not deserve this, nothing about their character/past behavior would indicate they would do what was argued. Nothing from the conversation itself. Nothing from their reaction after the fact.

Thank you,

Sorry for the yap.
#2
>gets criticized once

The sun smiles at you with eternal malice
#3
hoy: says anything
server: burn the witch
#4
(03-24-2024, 11:59 PM)Snow (3) Wrote: hoy: says anything
server: burn the witch
if you don't realize that what Reina said was about a pattern of behavior and instead choose to believe that it was just because of this singular instance, you're lost.

The sun smiles at you with eternal malice
#5
+rep this post if you like puppies and kittens
-rep if you hate puppies and kittens
[Image: gBkzZod.png]
#6
[Image: oh-no-anyway.gif]
#7
serious

why are people making a mountain out of a molehill? its fucking awful that people are taking what seems to clearly be a massive set of misunderstandings, taking sides, dividing the community, and just generally being horrible to each other.


here's a sensible idea. why don't we simply assume best intentions? Hoy almost certainly meant to offer good advice from friend to friend. Swap the genders. If Hoy was a girl, and Coco was a dude, would you still be clambering off on the same point? If the answer is no, why do you do differently?

it is true there are creeps on the internet. that is what started this shitpot. The person that creeped on Coco is a horrible human being. this is true.
but are you really gonna take one comment, run with it, and question a dude's character over one fucking comment?

Hoy even explained himself, IDK why you are all up in arms about it calm down.
Incepimus, Nunc et semper.
This means that "we begin, now and forever", and translates as "always we begin again"
What this actually means is that we should always strive to better ourselves, because tomorrow is a new day.
I hope you take it to heart. Remember, an improvement, no matter how small, is improvement.

BIIG_SAD
#8
Ok I'm just gonna say this. I didn't want this to escalate like this man. I was gonna handle this privately as even though I got heated with with reina about what happened with hoy, I didn't want this to happen. I just am not happy with how reina handled this personally. I think she got heated and misinterpreted what hoy, me, and others (There were others). I'm not saying reina was wrong with points she was making, she really wasn't. I completely get what she was saying, but I just don't understand what any of that had to do with what we were talking about with coco. 

Coco is not at fault for anything and honestly I feel fucking terrible about what happened with her. But I do feel bad for hoy cause I really don't think he deserved what happened. He didn't mean any harm by his statements and I know you can derive another meaning from what he said, but from the time ive seen hoy on here in the server I know he was just concerned for his friend. I'll apoligize for getting more heated then I should've with you reina, but I just dont see what anything you had to say had to do with what happened with me, and especially hoy. I don't wanna make this a spectacle anymore then it has to be, but I personally think the way you handled this was just not professional. 

I dont see a reason as to why hoy should apoligize. I am, cause I know I handled this poorly too. But again this should have NEVER happened. I think hoy deserves an apology if anything, honestly same with coco too. Cause I do feel bad for this as I know she wouldn't have wanted there to be an argument like this. We shouldn't be arguing over misconceptions and stuff. He got bullied out of the discord because you got on him for thinking he was implying something when he was not. You made this more of an issue then it had to be. You were right, this community really can be infuriting. Apologies for making this so long, I try to avid drama. But this did NOT need to happen, I know I've repeated that before but it's just true. 

ik yall are gonna disagree with me and thats fine. But I expected our discord staff, especially admins, to be more professional. I just hope we can move on from this and avoid more drama like this.
#9
I guess staff get to bully people off the server now. Gaming.
#10
(03-25-2024, 12:05 AM)tiefling lesbian Wrote: +rep this post if you like puppies and kittens
-rep if you hate puppies and kittens
Hi Tiefling.


In all seriousness, this is not the post to shitpost on. 

your one comment has done what many other comments here could not do.

in one comment, you have debased the value of the conversation here, and directly or indirectly messaged to the TTT community that you (and by extension possibly the TTT upper staff team) must not care about the goings ons in the TTT community. 

as a mod or Admin (especially as the latter), it is super important to be a person that others can look up to.

this post is not exemplary behavior. Do better, because you can be better, at least I would hope.
Incepimus, Nunc et semper.
This means that "we begin, now and forever", and translates as "always we begin again"
What this actually means is that we should always strive to better ourselves, because tomorrow is a new day.
I hope you take it to heart. Remember, an improvement, no matter how small, is improvement.

BIIG_SAD


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

About Us
    This is Dinkleberg's GMod, a gaming community based in Garry's Mod. We have a Trouble in Terrorist Town, Prop Hunt, Murder, and Deathrun Server. Come check them out sometime.