[TDawg4]

Something I have run into a lot staffing on server and even in other areas is issues around certain slurs, comments, names ect ect... All under the banner of "Jokes." 

New and old players both want to know why a certain joke is not allowed even if they are a part of that group or why they cant use "their slur."  

I wanted to give an explanation why I feel different about people making certain jokes in private (private servers, pms, whatever) versus on our servers/community spaces. 

Edgy Humor

1. The first type of humor is acceptable in private because the "funny" part is tied to shock. You are saying something that you are NOT supposed to say or something that no one should actually think. I could give 100 examples of this easily. 

2. The second type is also acceptable in private. This type of humor is being the parody of a racists, homophobe, misogynist, misandrist, (whatever). In this case you are saying the things taht this person would say in a way that demonstrates their beliefs are crazy. My brother in law is from Guatemala and does a fantastic impression of a Texan/Southern Accented person assuming he is and Mexican and finding out his actual race but still being racist. 

^ Neither of these are allowed (and should not be) in community spaces because of the third type. 

3. This type is saying the same type of things, but the "funny" part is that you are revealing a deep truth that is not supposed to be said. This deep truth is tied to genuinely horrible beliefs. This type masquerades as the types above saying "its just a joke." 

The first two types of humor are *probably* fine in private because the third type is not being covered for or bolstered. 

In private, you know your friends and what they actually believe better. You know their background and how they interact with people from various backgrounds. I think there still are jokes in the first two categories that probably should not be made even in private, but if you truely are in the first two groups you aren't an evil person. 

The first two types existing is why you need to be careful pulling out jokes/comments from a private server. I was actually community banned partially because I make a joke inside of type 2. I made a fake "forum post" in a discord of what the most unhinged response would be to demonstrate how ridiculous it was. This was taken as my actual belief at the time and used in the Adressing Toxicity thread all those years ago. Here is the link to the joke I made > https://imgur.com/Dc8PtMa used in the community banned announcement. 
^Even with the context it still was a pretty stupid comment to make for a variety of reasons and I cringe at it today. However, its not because I had some deep hatred for women, but because if I was going to make that kind of comment it would need to be made in a much more private space than the one I was in. I am sure there were people back then who saw that and misunderstood what I said but in the other direction. They thought it was Based and Epic, that I was pointing out some secret truth about how women were getting favorable treatment or something. That is the part I regret. 

So. If you use edgier humor or anything that falls into these categories you can do it and be genuinely funny. Just make sure that you are not covering for people that are laughing for a different reason than you are. 

This was me just throwing out my thoughts on this issue. I keep running into it (like over and over) and wanted to get my thoughts out as well as garner some feedback.

To quote the great Steve Harvey on his show Judge Steve Harvey "That's my verdict, and that's the way I see it."

[Icey]

Unfortunately, this is too logical for the people that need to hear it. Great post though.

[TDawg4]

Unfortunately, this is too logical for the people that need to hear it. Great post though.

I think most people would agree to at least some of this. The issue is when two people have a different view on a person behavior because of their experiences with them. Both feel really strongly and both are definitionally biased because of their experiences. It is really hard to tell what is true and what the person really thinks. Psychomike's app is a good example. A lot of people probably felt there must have been some kind of good explanation for the comment because of how well they have seem him interact with people on the server.
The only thing you can do is either write the person off and move on or you can run the risk of and wait and see (or mayyybe some combo). Whichever side of the scale they fall on the side that chose right will feel vindicated and the other side will feel betrayed.

[Dinomoto]

Personally, I just regret all the dumb shitty edgy humor I used to pull in those game nights.

[dong]

This is the best admin intro of all time

[JesseTheUndeadCowboy]

3. This type is saying the same type of things, but the "funny" part is that you are revealing a deep truth that is not supposed to be said. This deep truth is tied to genuinely horrible beliefs. This type masquerades as the types above saying "its just a joke." 

 This especially sucks finding out when certain statements were not jokes and who they actually are. For the other type of jokes you pretty much nailed it. I will be honest and say I'm not a fan of these types of jokes and don't really find them that funny. I know however not everyone has the same humour so I try to understand that but at the same time I still don't like those jokes. It also is hard to tell tone over text so sometimes you may not know if a person is joking or if they are being serious or what, even if you know the person.

You also have to be careful about some jokes even if you do it in private because they might bother/offend your friends sharing the same space/server as you. It's about knowing the time and place for the jokes as well. All in all, I agree with most of this post tdawg, thank you for making this.

[TDawg4]

Personally, I just regret all the dumb shitty edgy humor I used to pull in those game nights.

I think it depends on the setting. I have made pretty edgy jokes with the wrong group of people, but just this week made a joke to an old lady I know. Something about a moving company needing a bigger box (a casket) if they are going to put her in it. After she made a comment about fitting in one of their boxes. This worked well because of the types of jokes she makes I was able to know that she would take it well and appreciate the humor even as morbid as it was. 

This being an example of ^shock type 1. I don't actually want her to die ect ect.

I could think of other example like when I played on an all hispanic soccer team in high school except for me. There were so many gringo jokes ect ect flying around during games with my team but it was always super fun. But when other teams made comments my teammates defended me. 

I for sure can think of really dumb edgy jokes I have made that ended up hurting people because I didn't understand the context or have a good enough relationship with that person.

[Noire ♜]

“Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.”
-E.B. White

[A.S. Goose]

Maturity comes with time, time =money.

[Foxka]

I have a very simple solution to this: don't make jokes that you don't know what the impact of them could be. It's much easier to be inoffensive than to accidentally offend